Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
