I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
