all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
