theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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