i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
