Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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