another moral hangover. fuck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize