Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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