i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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