I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
