so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
