come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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