My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
