Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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