ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
