Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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