he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
