Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
