she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize