First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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