Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dick has a subreddit
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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