i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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