...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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