Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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