No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize