Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
