If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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