she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
