Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Everclear isn't food dammit
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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