its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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