The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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