I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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