It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
