It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
