the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
