who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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