What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
