I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
