I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
