i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
