I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
