Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
