I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
