This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
