Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
