We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
