the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
