am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
