I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
