Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
