I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
