if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize