He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
