well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
