Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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