How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
