the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
