I need help removing her.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
