dude i'm inner monologue high
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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