Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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