So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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