2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
