stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
