Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
