How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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