I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
