I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
