they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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