I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
