I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize