How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
