Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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