I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
