my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
