I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
